I had a really hard time today. When my dad came to get me up, I told him to go away, so he did. But I was awake and couldn't go back to sleep so I got up. But I still didn't want to go. I had a tremendous internal struggle with myself about going. It wasn't that I wanted to sleep some more, or that I dreaded it, or that I couldn't, I simply did not want to go. Finally, I sent a text message to my dad: 'I need help, help me?'.
He was downstairs within 2 minutes, right there (in the other room) encouraging me as I groaned and whined through getting dressed. He helped me with my shoes, in fact he had to tie them 3 times because we couldn't get the fit just right. I need to wear cardboard over my foot just below my toes because the shoes bend and poke me painfully. But otherwise they are GREAT shoes. (I had to wear the other pair today cuz I left the other ones in a room where people were sleeping.)
Once we got the shoes comfy and all, we started out and we made good time. In order for me to have the motivation to get going I had to promise myself a small reward. It's probably a reward that defeats one of the purposes of walking, but it had to be good for me to even talk myself into going this morning. We would be going past a gas station and so we got donuts. It got me going so I think it was worth it.
Getting close to the destination my feet started to hurt. It felt like chaffing or something causing friction on the inside of my arches. I'm not surprised since this is the first time the shoes were worn. We cut across the parking lot and I did shoot the picture of the sign across the road. After crossing back across the parking lot the burning pain in my arches was too much and I took my shoes off. I walked barefoot as far as the high school, walking on the grass most of the time. I finally decided I couldn't go any further, so my dad called my mom and she came to get us.
Is there some kind of psychological reason for all this nonsense this morning? I'm kind of mad at myself because I've had to fight with myself all week to get going, and now all this drama this morning. In fact only hitting 50% of my goal this week has really got me down as far as confidence level. But I know if I beat up on myself it will make it that much harder to get going next week. Aaaarrghhh!!!
2 comments:
Sometimes you just don't wanna. Period. There might not be a reason. I have those days with work with karate.. with cooking..
You went and that's a great accomplishment. 50% of your goal is still moving.. and moving is great!
So tell yourself I'm done beating myself up about the day/morning and tomorrow is another day.
moo!
Another thing is that you allowed yourself to rationale whether or not to go. You thought too much. When you have a task that you absolutely have to do and you absolutely have to be on time to do it, you don't think - you just do it.
When you find yourself trying to rationale not going, you have to stop and just do it. Then minute you try to talk yourself out of going, it becomes 2 or 3 times harder to do it. SO, don't think so much. React and do it. Don't give yourself a chance to talk yourself out of it.
Remember what President Kimball's motto was - Do it! Do it NOW!
hang in there. :)
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